For the Girl Who Knows She's Worth More Than Seeking Approval From Others

Led By My Why by Liv Harrison

If I could go back and tell my younger self to buy into the thought that I mattered, I would. I spent so long, years really, thinking I was worthless because I was heavy. My journey with weight isn’t unique, but it is relatable. What  makes my story unique is what I decided to do about it and why. 

The first time I walked into a WeightWatchers meeting I was eight years old. The room was saturated in the color tan. It was the ‘80s. I remember the hard cold plastic chairs that would pinch the back of my thighs. 

Everything about this room screamed disappointment. That’s what I was, a disappointment. Being a failure before the age of 10 is quite an accomplishment. It takes most people until their 20s to face that possible reality. You could say I peaked early. What I did do was cry and learn to people-please. 

I quickly bought the lie that my worth was tied to my weight. 

From a young age, I valued others’ approval more than the One who made me. When, in reality, my worth was solely dependent on Him, nothing and no one else. 

I wish I understood that then. Honestly, I wish I understood that now.

In my early 20s, I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes, and I was over 350 pounds. My self-worth was nonexistent. However, the medical science was now as loud as the disappointment I felt when I was eight. I had to change or things would just get worse. But how? 

One of the best pieces of advice came from my mother: She said, “You can no longer think of your health as a crutch. You have to face it and, we will support you.” 

My mom moved in for a week and taught me different techniques that we learned in the hospital after my diagnosis. We worked together to find a solution and we developed new skills. 

I found I was no longer hiding from myself, and I was no longer hiding from God. Suddenly, my relationship with God grew stronger because it became more real. For the first time, I didn’t hide behind this cross, I did not set it down, and I did not ignore it. With my family’s support, I was taking my first steps in a new direction, and He was walking beside me.

It would be fantastic to share that the cross of my weight was permanently fixed. Like most crosses, I still carry this one with me. Crosses aren’t meant to be solved, they are meant to purify. My personal struggle with my weight and worth is still tightly tied together. It leads me to continually seek God and His love for me.